This article is written to empower future fathers. It is dedicated to all the men who want to take part in the birth of their children but who have no idea what they can do to contribute to the birth experience.
The suggestions outlined below are intended to fill a void – i.e., a void that runs very deep in our society due to its tendency to focus on women’s role during birth while relegating future fathers to the peripheral background.
Throughout the western world, there is virtually no education or support for fathers-to-be. The lack of information about the masculine role during childbirth has left many men feeling impotent and confused during the birth of their children and unable to play an integral part in the process.
Fathers are often assigned the menial position of “spare part” by the medical profession, and as result, they are in danger of losing the respect of their partners and the ability to fully bond with their children. The alienation that many fathers feel during pregnancy and birth is at least partially responsible for the breakdown of family love in the western world and the reason why men are leaving their families in droves. As one father recently commented:
“I took my wife to the hospital and I lost her there. She was never my wife again. A few months after the birth of our son, we were getting divorced. I haven’t seen or spoken with my wife or my son in many, many years.” — David B.
It is imperative for men to reverse this negative trend and reclaim their power at birth.
The information that follows is intended to ignite a flame of understanding and remembrance within the male psyche regarding just how important a father’s presence during birth really is. The suggestions are articulated in a very blunt and honest way so as to spark men into action regarding the reclamation of their power. Because hospitals are where most babies are being born today, the following suggestions are geared toward fathers whose baby’s will be born in a hospital.
Special thanks to Doula Patti Ramos, Angie Garrapata and Midwife Carol Gautschi for the beautiful photographs you are about to see
PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS POST CONTAINS GRAPHIC IMAGES OF CIRCUMCISION
Those with weak constitutions may not want to view these images
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Suggestion #1 – Educate yourself about hospital birth and especially about the harmful “side effects” of common hospital procedures such as induction of labor, epidural anesthesia, the use of drugs like pitocin and cytotec to augment labor, forceps delivery, vacuum extraction, episiotomy (i.e., cutting into a woman’s perineum so the baby’s head can emerge more quickly), c-section, cutting a baby’s umbilical cord immediately after birth, and the circumcision of baby boys. Many hospital protocols are violent and abusive, and especially with respect to procedures like episiotomy and circumcision, should be considered ritual sexual abuse. Although this Truth is rarely talked about in mainstream circles, calling it ritual sexual abuse is nevertheless accurate and appropriate.
It is imperative for fathers to understand the shadow side of hospital birth so that they can, to the best of their ability, protect their partners and children from unnecessary and harmful medical interventions.
Please view the video below to get a better understanding of the dark side of hospital birth:
HOSPITAL BIRTH TRAUMA IS RITUAL ABUSE
Suggestion #2 – Become a fierce protector at birth so that no harm will come to your partner and baby. This is one of the most powerful gifts you can offer your family. Since your partner and baby will need to be giving all of their attention to the birth itself, it is up to you to try to protect the birth environment. Do whatever you can to bring your full power and potency into the birthing field and stand strong in your intention to keep your partner and child safe from unnecessary hospital interventions. If protecting your loved ones means threatening to file a lawsuit against a medical professional who attempts to engage in a harmful act, do it. If it means creating a birth plan ahead of time and having the doctors sign a written agreement before the birth, do it. Whatever it takes to protect the birth environment of your partner and child – DO IT. Your courage and willingness to speak-out and stand-up to outside authority is invaluable. It is the single most important thing that you can do to enable your partner and child to feel safe and to trust that you are strong enough to protect them and keep them from harm. Your partner will respect you immensely if you do this, and your child will thank you profusely.
Suggestion #3 – Heal your own birth trauma before attending the birth of your child. This cannot be stressed enough and is particularly important if you, yourself, were born in a hospital.
95% of American hospital births are considered traumatic, with 50% of these being considered “moderately traumatic” and 45% being considered “severely traumatic.” Millions (perhaps billions) of people suffer from unconscious memories of what was done to them at birth. Although most of these memories remain unconscious throughout our adult lives, they nevertheless influence all aspects of our health and personality, AND as soon as a person enters into the experience of a hospital birth, the memories can and do “activate.” If this happens to you, it can undermine your ability to be powerfully present during the birth of your child.
Many men, especially those who were circumcised as infants, experience symptoms of shock (i.e., the tendency to freeze, go numb, or feel paralyzed in the presence of threat) as soon as they enter into a hospital birth environment. Although these men may not consciously remember the event of circumcision, their bodies remember, and their physiology responds accordingly. Because the conditions of their child’s birth remind them of the conditions of their own birth, they freeze or go numb and are unable to stand in their power and enact their role as fierce protector during the birth of their children.
It is important for men to understand that most baby boys are circumcised WITHOUT ANESTHESIA. The baby is strapped down to a torture board called a circumstraint and is unable to move or protect himself in any way. The baby sees and feels everything the medical (or religious) butchers are doing to him and he feels the evil that is behind this sadistic ritual abuse. His vulnerable, newborn sensory apparatus is completely overwhelmed by the extreme pain, violation, and betrayal of the circumcision experience and his system has no choice but to shut itself down – i.e., to “go numb,” freeze, or “play dead.” This is often the beginning of a habitual tendency to move into parasympathetic shock whenever threat is present. This tendency to freeze or go numb in the presence of danger can last throughout the child’s infancy (many people will comment on what “good” babies these babies are because they express little or no emotion) and can rear its ugly head throughout life, especially in circumstances having to do with sexual interaction and/or childbirth.
Notice the tight fists of this baby as he braces himself for the evil that he knows is about to occur. Babies are telepathic. They know what the people around them are thinking. This one knows he is about to be genitally tortured and mutilated. The unbelievable betrayal of this event is unfathomable.
Photo of a helpless infant after undergoing the sexual torture of circumcision. Notice the grief of this child, the terror, the loneliness, the overwhelming sadness. How can parents allow this to happen to their newborn baby? Commit now to never let this happen to yours.
This child will never be the same. The memories of what was done to him will remain in his psyche forever and he will know, beyond any doubt, that his parents cannot be trusted to protect him from harm. This single act alone will interfere with parent child bonding more than any other. This is a huge betrayal.
Notice the completely clueless and insensitive comments made by every single adult in this online thread, including the mother. Not a single one spoke out about the excruciating pain this child endured, a pain so great that he tried to scratch his own face off.
When I make the claim that medical professionals are engaged in extremely violent, sadistic and abusive behavior, this is an understatement. If you would like to understand better what baby boys are being subjected to during circumcision, please view the following clips. The first link contains footage of a actual circumcision. The second link contains footage of a medical professional teaching other medical professionals how to perform a circumcision. Both clips are incredibly difficult to watch but will give you great clarity about the violence of the circumcision procedure.
A real circumcision – from the documentary “Birth As We Know It”
The Circumsafe Method
A doctor describes the “proper” way to perform a circumcision
Suggestion #4 – If your partner gives birth to a baby boy, do not allow them to circumcise your son. This should be a no-brainer after you watch the two videos above, however, if you still want more information about the negative impact of circumcision, please read the following articles:
A letter from a circumcised dad regarding his decision not to circumcise his son: http://www.thedaddyexperience.com/2008/07/just-to-be-fair-im-circumcised.html
The Psychological Impact of Circumcision: http://www.cirp.org/library/psych/goldman1/
Remember, if we want to understand how sex and violence become intertwined in the male psyche, or why we are experiencing such high levels of sexual violence in our society, as well as porn addiction and the common occurrence of impotence and sexual dysfunction in adult men, we need only look to the primal origins of adult behavior and the initial sexual violation we inflict on our infant boys. Circumcision is ritual sexual torture. Don’t let them do this to your child.
Suggestion 5 – Do not let a doctor or midwife (or any medical professional) usurp your role as primary support person at birth. This suggestion is incredibly important for the well-being of your relationship and for the long-term preservation of love in your family.
Birth, in its most primal form, is intended to be an extremely private and intimate event. Unfortunately, with the advent of hospitals and technological interventions, birth has become an inappropriately public affair.
It is important to remember that your partner’s womb and vagina are not public property. They are the doorway through which your child is about to be born. Do not allow anyone to repeatedly prod or poke at your partner’s body or continuously interfere with the birth process by barging into the room to examine her genitals. The common hospital practice of sending strangers (i.e., nurses, medical professionals, medical trainees, etc.) into the birth room while a woman is in labor, as well as the habitual tendency to force women to lie down with their legs up in stirrups and their genitals exposed for all the world to see, are completely outrageous and inappropriate.
Furthermore, it is not OK for medical personnel to place themselves directly in front of your wife’s private parts during the birth of your child. Nor is it OK for them to shove their hands repeatedly and invasively into her vagina in order to determine how dilated she is. If you allow this type of activity to occur, an unconscious rage can emerge within your partner because you did not stand-up and protect her from violation. Similarly, rage may be activated within YOU due to the violation that you are witnessing against your partner, and an unconscious feeling that she should not have allowed another man to touch her that way. This can cause definite long-term issues in relationship and may be detrimental to the health and longevity of your marriage.
Protect your wife’s bodily integrity (and the well-being of your relationship) by insisting that medical personnel keep their hands off unless there is some type of emergency that requires their interference. This goes for midwives as well as doctors.
Similarly, do not let nurses, doctors or midwives snatch your baby away from you and your partner when it emerges from the womb. The first moments immediately after birth are crucial for the creation of a strong love-bond between parent and child. Insist that you or your partner be the one to catch your baby as it emerges from the womb. And make sure that your baby be immediately placed skin-to-skin on either yours or your partner’s body (preferably on mom’s body so baby can begin to nurse, but if she has been anesthetized, place the baby on your own body) as soon as he or she comes out of the womb. Do not allow others to take center-stage during the birth of your child.
Suggestion #6 – Make eye contact with your baby immediately at birth in order to maximize the opportunity for the neurobiology of LOVE to activate within you. This is an extremely important suggestion and goes for both you and your partner.
The moment of birth offers a unique window of opportunity for true bonds of love to activate for all family members. The neuro-chemical cocktail that is available within the first hour after birth (i.e., oxytocin, endorphins, and other hormones of love) will not be available in the same way at any other moment in time. Immediate eye contact with your child can support the activation of the neurobiology of love within you and your child, which will allow you to cement the bond between you and lay the groundwork for the preservation of love in your family forever.
On a fundamental human level, babies need to look into the eyes of love immediately upon their arrival. This experience would happen naturally if birth were occurring in a gentle, loving environment. Unfortunately, most births are not happening in a gentle environment, and on the contrary, are taking place in an environment filled with harsh lights, loud sounds, technological equipment, frightening-looking sharp and pointy metal instruments, people wearing masks and gowns, etc. – all of which can terrify and confuse a newborn infant. Therefore, in order to combat the frightening and traumatic sights and sounds of a hospital environment, it is extra important for your love-filled eyes to be the first visual thing your child sees.
Similarly, it is extremely important for you to hold your child and place your child skin-to-skin on yours and/or your partner’s body. This will activate your baby’s sensory mechanisms to produce the neuro-chemicals of love, which will create an imprint of well-being that can last a lifetime.
Suggestion 7 – Following up on the last suggestion, do NOT allow medical staff to put poison, burning gunk in your baby’s eyes.
The eye ointment will burn your baby’s skin and prevent the necessary eye contact for you and your baby to bond properly.
Medical personnel might tell you they are doing this to prevent venereal disease. Hopefully you are sure that your wife or partner has not passed on venereal disease to your child, so you do not need this toxic ointment to be put in your baby’s eyes.
Suggestion #8 – Do not allow medical personnel to cut or clamp your baby’s umbilical cord until well after the cord has stopped pulsing and has turned white.
While the cord is blue, purple or red, there is still blood moving through the cord that needs to be transferred to the baby.
Standard hospital protocol involves clamping and cutting the baby’s umbilical cord immediately after birth. This habitual hospital practice is violent and unnecessary and can traumatize your baby and undermine his/her health.
When babies first emerge from the womb, they are not breathing. Instead, they are receiving all of the oxygen they need from the placental blood as it pulses through the umbilical cord into their tiny little bodies. When their umbilical cord is immediately clamped or cut, the baby’s oxygen supply is abruptly cut off, forcing him/her to gasp for breath in fear for his/her life. Additionally, the baby’s connection to its mother is abruptly and violently severed, at a time when the baby is extremely vulnerable and the connection to its mother is most vital. This brutal hospital practice can create a long-lasting imprint of trauma for your child and undermine his/her health.
The blood that is pulsing through your baby’s umbilical cord contains vital nutrients to help your baby create a strong immune system. Your baby will be denied these nutrients if his/her umbilical cord is clamped too soon.
Be aware that hospitals have a financial incentive to cut umbilical cords quickly because they are in the business of gathering up the cord blood and selling it off to the highest bidder. The real reasons for this are not something I wish to address in this article. However, it is important for you to understand that your baby’s cord blood belongs with your baby and not with some vampiring entities or institutions that want to use it for their own sordid reasons.
There is absolutely no medical reason why hospital personnel cannot wait to cut your baby’s umbilical cord. If they try to do this too soon, step in and protect your child.
The best option of all would be for you or your partner to clamp and cut the cord yourself – once you have determined that it is safe and appropriate to do so. This would be the most honoring and loving approach to the cutting of the cord and would allow your baby the time he/she needs to adjust to life outside of the womb. It is also possible (but extremely rare in the case of hospital birth) for parents to choose “lotus birth” – i.e., allowing the cord to fall off on its own – which usually takes several days. In this way, you will know your baby is absolutely ready to deal with his/her individuation and has had the time necessary to adjust to separation from its mother.
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